I Thought In My Heart
by VStheworld
Summary: Bella leaves Forks & her boyfriend Jacob behind 2 years a go to live with her mom. She's back in Forks & Jacob seems to have moved on until he finds out the reason and illness as of why Bella left. He will stop at nothing to get her back & keep her alive.
1. Prologue

**Authors Note:**

**This chapter is a preview of what to expect from 'I Thought In My Heart...'. You're not going to understand fully what is happening but are introduced to two characters who have a different view on love and what to do with this love for one another. The title comes from the band Anathallo, the song is of the same name.**

* * *

Bella Swan didn't understand why Jacob Black took her down to the beach at the first light of dawn. She looked into the eyes of the over anxious young man in front of her. She knew then she wasn't going to like what he was going to say.

Jacob paced back and forth glancing up at her with fearful eyes, knowing very well there was a strong chance of rejection coming his way. But, he made up his mind, he knew what he was doing and he was ready to fight it tooth and nail.

He stopped in front of her and took a deep breath. He had practiced these three words for weeks now in front of a mirror and the very scene replayed in his mind countless times since he met her. He could do this. Love conquers all right?

He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and bent a knee on a piece of driftwood. He fished out his mother's wedding ring from his jeans. He took a breath, wished for the best and opened his palm up to her, revealing the ring.

"Marry me Isabella." He kept his eyes wide on hers.

"No Jacob!" She threw up her arms and cried.

"Why not? I'm sorry I don't have a box. I couldn't find one!" Jacob shot up from the log and shoved the ring towards her, as if she saw the ring up close she would change her answer.

"There is no point." Bella spoke softly now as she approached Jacob. She cupped his too warm face in her hands, "Jacob, I'm not going to rob you of happiness! Please Jake, we both know how this is going…we both know there is going to be an end. It would only hurt more if we were legally bonded. I would be a constant reminder for you. It would be a hundred times harder for you to move on after I..." Jacob cut her off.

"You make me happy! You won't be robbing me of anything. You are going to be here! You're going to live! I want this Bella, I want you, forever!" Jacob blinked rapidly and his eyes started to wet.

"Jacob, trust me, this is for the best. You don't realize it now but in five, ten…" Bella was interrupted by a growl. Great he was on the edge of phasing.

"Five, ten years? That's bullshit Bella! Can't you see that I'm yours! I'm not going to be with anyone else. It's you Bella, it has always been you." He kicked at a rock and turned his fierce gaze on her, "I'm tied to you Bella! Every fiber of my being is pulling to you and I know you feel at least half of how I do! I know it in my heart! I love you and I want to be the one that takes care of you!" Jacob took a step back, wondering where all of his passion had come from.

"You're 19 years old! You can't take care of me! Besides, I don't want to be taken care of!" Jacob's face fell, like he just got a shot to the heart. He was speechless, how could she think he was too young to take care of her? He had set out to prove to her since he found her plugged into that _machine_ in her room that he would take care of her.

She pressed her finger tips to her temples and ground her teeth together. She wanted Jacob to see that he was able to move on

"I know you can move on Jake." Bella folded her arms across her chest, "I was gone for two years and you had moved on. You will be able to do it again, I promise." She reached a tentative hand out to Jacob. He flinched back from her, feeling completely heartbroken and rejected.

"But I always thought of you. And I came back to you…" He choked out. A lone tear trickled down his cheek.

"After you found out I was sick. I told you not to…I wanted you to be happy." Bella murmured the last part to herself. She knew she had made a mess of things by letting Jacob get so close. She should have kept him out like she intended to when she moved back to Forks.

Jacob took both of her hands and scrunched down so he could be face to face with Bella. "You," he cupped her cheek with one hand and stared into her eyes, trying to reach her soul, "you make me happy."

She sighed and tightened her grip on his hand and leaned into him. He thought she was giving in to his plea until she said, "Jake, I need to sit down."

Jacob immediately bundled her up in his arms and sat her on his lap. She leaned her cheek against his chest. "I shouldn't have brought you out here so early. I'll get you back home." He tightened his grip around her.

"No, no. It's okay. I just need to sit for a bit." She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both contemplating what to make of this mess. There was no correct answer to any of it. Bella was right just as much as Jacob was. Honestly, there was a lot of baggage to saying 'yes' to Jacob's request of marriage that neither Bella or Jacob knew the extent of.

Jacob wasn't going to give up. He wanted Bella bonded to him in every way possible. He was a full believer in the saying 'Love transcends all boundaries'. He was going to make Bella believe in love wholeheartedly again. He was going to make her believe in him.

Bella turned her body around so it was pressed to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and touched her nose with his. Jacob wound his arms around her waist and puckered his lips out waiting for a kiss from her. She smiled and leaned into his awaiting kiss. She pulled away, too soon for Jacob. "I love you, please know that. My decision is made because I love you too much to hurt you anymore."

"Then say yes to me." Jacob thought he was going to hurt more from being rejected by Bella. But Bella knew better.

"No." Bella refused again.

He rolled his eyes and lifted her up with him and started off to his car. _I'll make her change her mind sooner or later_, he thought. He hoped.

* * *

**Any guesses of what 'sickness' Bella has? You will be introduced to it soon.**


	2. Chapter 1

Early on February 12th Charlie Swan started cleaning the house for his new arrival. Bella Swan would be arriving that evening from her mother's in Florida. It would be the first time in almost two years she would be in Forks. He vacuumed every inch of the house, dusted every window, and used two large cans of Lysol.

Charlie got to the airport thirty minutes before Bella was to arrive. He double checked her arrival gate and paced back and forth for those thirty minutes. He wanted to break down in tears when he saw his daughter visibly thinner, almost frail walking through the terminal with her backpack and duffle in hand…bone thinning was one of the possible side effects from the transplant.. He rushed to her and took both bags and while holding back the tears made their way, once again, back to Charlie's house.

"Oh wow! It looks really good in here dad, thanks!" She put her duffle bag down on the bed, turned around and hugged her father. Bella was playing nice towards Charlie for taking her in…again. He let her to unpack alone but in all actuality he didn't want to shed any tears in front of her.

Sue Clearwater had fixed Bella and Charlie's dinner the night before and by the time Bella was done unpacking Charlie had the table set with dinner. "How are you feeling?" Charlie asked Bella.

"A little tired, my body's tired. The plane trip here wasn't too enjoyable, all the sitting and waiting. I'll feel better tomorrow, I'm sure."

"Are you and Sue going out for Valentines Day?" Bella learned about Charlie's relationship with Sue six months a go, which she approved of. He was not going to be the terminal bachelor after all.

"Actually, would you be up for a small get together at Sue's Monday evening?" Charlie dropped his fork and looked up at her.

"Well, maybe. What is going on?" Bella chased a pea on her plate with her own fork.

"Some of us wanted to have a little welcome home party for you." Charlie knew Bella was not going to like the idea, but his girlfriend had been mentioning the idea about a get together for a week straight, obviously she was excited about it.

"But I don't like parties." Neither did Charlie.

"It's not really a party." He tried to reason with her.

"Is there going to be a cake?" Bella asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Probably, but…" Bella cut Charlie off. 

"If there is going to be cake then it's a party!" Her eyes widened and her brows pulled together. What a sight!

"Let me explain." Charlie huffed, and Bella let him talk. "Sue wanted to have a dinner for you with her kids, us and Billy. We all missed you kid and well, she's kind of excited about cooking and having people over…" Bella cut him off.

"Oh! I get it dad! You don't want to disappoint her. It's fine, I'll go. I'll help you out." Bella winked at him before biting into her chicken.

"Thanks, kid' Bella could see Charlie visibly blush.

. .

They finished their dinner and settled in the living room for the rest of the evening watching re-runs of cheap comedy cable television shows. Bella wasn't paying attention to the TV, she was worrying about the looming inevitable reunion between her and her ex-boyfriend, Jacob Black.

The telephone rang which made her jump from her stressful thoughts. The way Charlie talked on the phone was different, something Bella never heard before. It must be Sue. When Charlie walked back into the living room he wore a big grin, but when he sat down the smile vanished.

"So, there might be a few more people at Sue's than what I thought." Charlie sighed.

Bella sat up straight on the couch and almost glared at her father, "Who?" But she knew already.

"Sam, Emily and Jacob are coming." Great, Charlie saved the best for last. Then he started speaking again. "Bella," He cleared his voice. "Jacob started dating a girl a while back and…well she might be there too. Just a heads up." He cleared his voice again and went back to staring at the TV.

The inevitable reunion was coming sooner than she expected. "How long is a 'a while back'?" Bella asked.

"I don't really know, five months? Six months?" Charlie shrugged.

Bella started feeling ill. "Okay, I'm going up to my room. I'm tired. Goodnight."

She stepped into her same routine from two years a go getting ready for bed. It made her kind of sad thinking about it. She practically slammed her bedroom door shut and almost started hyperventilating. "It was the right thing to do. You wanted him to move on" She whispered to herself repeatedly. She took a few deep breaths and settled into her bed.

Two years a go Bella was scheduled for a week vacation to her mother's in Florida. Before she left for her trip she had not been feeling right in her back. Her mother had her go to the doctor in Florida when one night she went to the bathroom and blood came out when she urinated. That is when they found out her kidney's were only functioning twenty two percent. Four months later her mother gave her own kidney to Bella. The problem with Renee's kidney was it was only half a match. Inevitably, Bella would need another transplant and that transplant should have come from Charlie but he only had one kidney from a bicycle accident when he was ten years old. Bella was to be put on a kidney transplant donor list if her dialysis treatment stopped working, but that list was long and it would be over a year before she would receive a kidney.

Out of Bella's request only a handful of people knew about Bella's condition: Charlie, Renee, Phil and Sue. Jacob did not know. She left him two years a go thinking everything was fine but later told him that she wasn't coming back to Forks. Bella thought what she was handed was a definite death sentence. She was tired of fighting the inevitable and made sure Jacob was not going to fight this one out with her. For the first six months of living in Florida she hardly talked to anyone, trying to grasp the reality of the situation and the mourning that followed the realization. During those months Bella and Jacob still made contact by phone calls and he even came and visited during the third month. Bella was able to hide her illness from him for that half a week and broke up with him for good, saying she was happier in Florida, a new beginning she said.

. .

"_But don't I make you happy?" Jacob asked as they strode along the beach hand in hand._

"_Yes you do. But I'm not coming back. I realized there is a lot of baggage and rain in Forks for me." She hated to lie and that is why the tears started spilling down her face._

"_I don't believe you." Jacob stopped her and took both of her hands. Of course he didn't, he knew her too well._

"_I know." She looked down, avoiding his eyes._

"_Bella, look at me." He huffed and tried to gain his own composure. She did as she was told and looked up at him. "Are you breaking up with me?"_

_She gasped, hearing the words out loud was almost unbearable for her. But she thought she had to let him go. "Yes…I'm sorry." She cried and flung herself at him. She sobbed into his shirt. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go._

_He settled her onto his lap, stroking her hair absentmindedly, watching the sun begin to set. She was hiding something and it broke his heart that she didn't want to tell him._

"_I want you and I want this, but I can't have both. I can't have both worlds."_

"_So your choosing the world that is absent of all mythical creatures and…_

"_Nightmares, yes, I am." She finished his sentence. It wasn't exactly what he was going to say but he let it go._

"_I can come visit. I'll get a job and save up money for trips here. My dad and Sam won't mind. We can make this work." He tried to reason with her. Not wanting to give up on the girl he loved immensely._

_She sat up and stared at him, the life was draining out of her face. It scared Jacob. She spoke with much conviction this time, "No Jacob it won't work in the end. It is not going to work."_

_They sat there wrapped in each others arms until the sun had set, taking turns crying and telling each other how much they love one another._

. .

Bella woke up to the sight of her old surroundings. All the memories made by two lost loves came rushing through her head. She got up and groaned knowing they were just that, memories. Today was going to be her first full day being back in Forks and she had a date set up with God at 10:00 o'clock. Sue had suckered Charlie into attending church every Sunday at the Lutheran church and Charlie was making Bella come with him, just this once.

"This is going to be different." She said under her breath when she walked down the stairs to see Charlie already dressed in dress shirt and tie.

Maybe this time around in Forks, everything will be different. She could only hope.


	3. Chapter 2

Bella studied herself in the bathroom mirror. She had put on a long-sleeved gray shirt and brown pants, getting ready for Sue's "non-party" this evening. She didn't like the way she looked, not because she started caring about what she looked like, but she knew she had not been looking healthy these past few months.

She padded down to the kitchen looking for her father, she found him at the table reading the paper. "Dad, did you think I looked different when I got here Sunday?" She asked.

Charlie's mind started turning. What should he say? He didn't want to hurt his daughter's feelings. "Well, yeah. You look a little tinier to me. But honey it's okay. Things could have turned out a hundred times worse from the transplant."

"I know. I was just thinking about tonight. I don't want Billy or Sue's kids to think I have an eating disorder or something." She waved her hand flippantly; '_I don't want Jake to see I'm sick' _wasmore like it.

That reminded Charlie that he did not tell Bella he had told Billy about what was going on with her last year. "About that, Billy knows about what happened. I had to tell him last year."

"What? No! He hasn't told Jake has he?" Bella exclaimed.

"No, no. Billy didn't say anything to Jake. I had to tell him Bella. I, well, I wasn't doing so well last year when I found out about your surgery. Billy was on my case day and night, asking me what was wrong. I couldn't keep it from him anymore." Charlie wringed his hands around the now rolled up paper.

Bella automatically felt horrible for jumping to conclusions. Charlie had every right to tell his best friend what was going on. "It's okay. I understand. I'm sorry I put you threw so much stress."

She went back upstairs after getting her confirmation about definitely looking tinier and changed into a long black shirt. Black was supposed to hide stuff right? She looked at herself in the mirror again, wanting to stuff cotton in her shirt to make her look more normal. Instead, she opted for her dark colored jacket. _Perfect_. She thought looking in the mirror. _I look almost like a bag lady, but it will work_.

Charlie and Bella drove separately over to Sue's house, in case Bella wanted to leave early. She practiced all the way to La Push what she was going to say to Jacob. "Hi Jacob, how are you? No!…Hey Jake…Jacob, hi…I missed you so much…Jake, I'm still in love with you…Hi Jake, I'm dying, see!…Hey Jake, oh, you hate me? That's fine…Hi Jake, hi Jake's new girlfriend….No!" She glared at the rain slick road in front of her and cursed herself for the approaching freak out she was about to have.

When she entered Sue's house, she was overcome by the smells of fresh baked bread. Luckily it was only Sue, Billy, Charlie and Sue's two kids Seth and Leah there. Both of them part of Sam's pack as of a few years a go. Sue greeted her with a warm embrace and started naming off all the foods being prepared that night. Bella bent down and gave Billy a hug and when she leaned away she saw him physically shiver and look sympathetically up at Bella. '_Great maybe the jacket isn't fooling anyone'_, she thought.

"Emily and some of the boys will be here in a little bit. She's just so excited to see you. She missed you. Are you going to go to their wedding next month Bella?" Sue tried to keep conversation up as she stirred a pot of something.

Bella soon became upset that she didn't know her friends were even engaged. "Oh, maybe." She smiled sadly to herself. Bella got out of the kitchen soon after, claiming it was a little too warm in there for her. She found Billy in the den watching a program on television.

"Hey." She greeted him taking a seat next to him.

"How have you been?" Billy turned slowly to her.

"Could be better. Hey, Charlie told me that you know about what's going on. I just wanted you to know that I knew that you knew…If that makes any sense." Bella shook her head and laughed at herself.

"Sure, sure, hon." Billy nodded and went back to watching, what was that, bass fishing? A man of many words, Billy was not. Bella started to feel uncomfortable sitting there. She was about to get up and flee the scene when Billy spoke up again. "You know, it's not too late to talk to Jake about it. Help him understand."

Bella gulped, "Was it hard for him last year, when I was gone?" Her voice was just above a whisper.

"Still is." Billy's voice was cold.

Bella didn't know what to say after that. She sat there in stunned silence as a million thoughts ran through her mind. _Does he still love me? _Was the underlying one.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice from down the hall. "Dad?" Bella felt like her heart stopped and then picked up ten speed...

"In here." Billy called to his son, thick with implication. Billy and Bella stared at each other for a couple of seconds until the footsteps reached them.

She heard _him _stop and gasp, "Bella?" Jacob asked.

Bella took a deep, steadying breath in, got out of her chair and turned around. She was surprised about what she saw. "Jacob! What?" She shouldn't have been surprised. Everyone goes through changes right? Jacob stood before her clad in a black button up dress shirt with a black leather jacket and a nice fitting dark pair of jeans. His hair looked like it had gel in it and a cologne smell was wafting off of him. She stood there taking him in for a second and realized his arms were out, waiting to be enveloped by her. She took a tentative step towards him, thinking about the consequences of a hug. _Will he tell I feel different? _She asked herself.

She didn't have enough time to decide when suddenly she was enveloped in his arms and pulled into a tight embrace against his chest. She returned the hug, wrapping her weak arms around his shoulders.

Billy mumbled something about seeing what was in the kitchen, to leave the two lost lovers alone. When Jacob let go of Bella he studied her frame from head to toe. Bella quickly turned around to head for the couch so she could sink in and camouflage herself. "When did you get into town?" Jacob asked, right on her tail to the couch.

"Saturday afternoon." Bella answered as Jacob settled next to her on the couch. The situation wasn't as awkward as what Bella thought it was going to be but different feelings started circulating through her. She could feel herself getting hot.

Jacob nodded as he studied her facial features. "How long are you here?"

"In F..Forks?" Bella stuttered.

Jacob's eyes were gazing fiercely into Bella's as he nodded. His gaze made her stutter. "I'm here for…for a while."

"Why did you decide to come back?" He prodded.

"I was sick of all the moving." Bella shook her head and stared down at her fingers. "Renee was moving us around every six months in Florida. Did you know I even lived in Georgia for six months? Last month my mom had another great plan, move to Ren Mar, California. And I said I was done. I was exhausted…from the moving. I needed some stability back in my life." She rambled on.

"I bet it's really sunny in Ren Mar though." Jacob smirked. Did he want her to move away? Bella frowned down at her lap. "That's what Renee said." She mumbled. "What's been going on with you?"

"Much of the same except I don't go to school anymore." Jacob relaxed against the cushions.

"Sorry I missed your graduation. I got your invitation and letter, thanks." Bella shrugged her shoulders and looked at him to continue.

"Oh did you? I wasn't sure. Did you get the other letters too?" Bella noticed a flicker of anger coming from Jacob. She had not returned any of his letters or phone calls after the break-up. Jacob was faithful about writing up until about eight months a go when all contact from his side ceased. Bella made sure anywhere they moved she would get her letters forwarded to her new address. She read every one and kept them in her bedside drawer so she could read them while she was in bed, tied to the machine.

"Yes." She choked out. Bella didn't want an argument tonight.

Jacob huffed, "I thought maybe you didn't since you've been moving so much."

Bella started feeling angry by the change of tone in the conversation. She decided he needed reminded, "Clean break, remember?"

He didn't move from his spot as Bella turned her heal and walked out of the den.

Bella found a place in the corner of the kitchen where she stayed for the next thirty minutes. The windows were open and the damp air circulated the kitchen mixing with the smells of baking and frying. It was giving Bella an upset stomach.

"Jacob, Allison's here." Sue called to him as she answered the front door. "So good to see you, sweetheart." Sue ushered her in. Jacob approached his girlfriend with a smile on his face. Bella watched as he embraced her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. _Those lips should belong to me_, she thought then shook her head. "I'm so selfish." She whispered to herself.

"What?" Bella didn't realize Emily was next to her.

"Oh, hi!" Bella shot out of her seat and quickly gave Emily a hug. Emily was gazing at the same spectacle Bella just encountered.

"You're not selfish Bella." Emily whispered back to her.

The two exchanged a knowing look before jumping into the "It's been so long, how are you's and you look great's". But in reality both of them knew Bella didn't look great.

The crowd in Sue's house grew as more smells permeated the kitchen. Soon enough it was time to eat. Half of the party, including Jacob and his date, were in the living room while others, including Emily, Sam, Sue, Charlie, and Bella filled the kitchen table. The dinner conversation was kept light and standard. Bella thought her shaking and erratic breathing wasn't noticeable until she felt Emily's hand over her own under the table.

"What's wrong?" Emily whispered to Bella.

"Just nerves. I'm fine." Bella murmured as she twirled her fork around her plate.

Emily studied Bella for a moment before going back to her dinner.

People were finishing their meals and some were hovering around the kitchen eating desert. Bella was standing by the sink eating a tiny piece of red velvet cake off of a white glass plate. She was highly aware that Jacob was leaning against the entrance with his own food. She did her best to not make eye contact or even look in the general direction of him.

Sam was recalling an old family story when Sue gasped and shrieked. "Oh lord! Bella, your nose is bleeding!"

The reaction startled Bella more than Sue's words. Her eyes grew large and they immediately flew up to meet Jake's. Jacob stared back at her with a strange expression. Bella's eyes fell to her piece of cake realizing she failed at the not looking at Jacob rule. When she looked down she felt something warm run down her upper lip and drops of blood were splashing down on the plate. She froze. Sue took the plate from Bella's hand, spun her around and made her lean over the kitchen sink. Sue's frantic voice was right in Bella's ear. "Charlie, Charlie, get in here now!"

She heard her father come bustling into the kitchen asking what was wrong. "I'm fine." Bella tried to speak for herself but a bunched up paper towel was now suffocating her. Bella took a deep steadying breath, stood up straight and tilted her head back, with the towel in place. She noticed all of the blood splatters in the sink and the immediate taste of rust and salt pouring down her throat. She gagged and covered her mouth.

"Bella, has this ever happened before?" Charlie asked her with his cell phone in hand.

"It's just the weather. I'm fine." Charlie shook his head and dialed a number.

"I'm calling Renee."

"What? No…" Bella gagged again and stopped arguing with her father. She flew up the stairs to the bathroom and locked herself in. She threw up in the toilet. When she opened her eyes to the toilet bowl, they told her they had seen too much and she slumped over the side hitting the linoleum with a thud.

She woke up moments later to Emily knocking on the door. "Need some help?"

"Fine. I'm fine!" Bella called back as she picked herself up off the floor. She cleaned the rust colored stains off of her face and headed back, embarrassed, to the concerned masses.

She ducked her head through the crowded kitchen and stalked towards her father. He was just snapping shut his phone. "Hey, I think I'm going to head home."

"What happened? Do I need to take you to the hospital? Renee said you hadn't had a nosebleed since you were young." Charlie worried.

"No, dad, listen. I'm not used to the weather. All of the windows are open and it was mixing with the kitchen smells. That's all, it's just night air. It has nothing to do with my kidney." Bella whispered the last part. "I'm tired and embarrassed, can I go home?" She wined.

"Go ahead; call your mom when you get back. She's worried. Are you okay to drive?" Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

_No, but I can't stand to be here a minute longer_. "Yes. I'll be careful." Bella said her goodbyes and thanked Sue for the get together and apologized for bleeding all over her kitchen. With her head hung low she exited the house.

She thought she made the perfect getaway from Jacob but she wasn't so lucky. "Hey, what was that about? Are you okay?" Jacob was sitting on the porch.

Bella stood on the last porch step as Jacob approached her. "Yeah, everyone just overreacted over a nosebleed. They freaked me out more than the nose." She laughed nervously.

Jacob scuffed his feet against the gravel driveway. "True. It's not like there are any bloodsuckers around here anymore to worry about."

"None?" Bella's face went serious.

"No. Not for a long time." Jacob's tone started to reflect Bella's.

"Knowing that will help me sleep better." She quirked a grin.

"You haven't been sleeping well?" Jacob seemed too concerned.

"No, I haven't slept through a night yet." Bella said matter-of-factly.

Bella noticed Jacob's lip jutted out and took in his puppy dog eyes. _Why can't he belong to me_? She thought.

"Oh." Jacob's eyes swept her body.

"Well, I better be going before the parentals decide I'm having a brain hemorrhage." Bella jumped off the last step and headed for her truck.

Jacob caught her by the wrist and pulled her towards him. He brushed the hair out of her face and studied her features. "You passed out in the bathroom."

"How could you tell?" Bella forgot how good Jacob was at reading her.

"You were pale as a Cullen when you came back in." He gritted through his teeth.

"Oh. Good thing Charlie didn't notice or I wouldn't be going home." Bella tried to keep up a cool façade.

"You can't drive, Bella." Jacob huffed.

"I'm fine, Jacob." Bella tugged out of his grip and dangled the keys in her left hand. She headed for her truck.

"Jake, what are you doing?" Allison's voice called from the front door.

"Taking a look at Charlie's truck, give me a sec." Jacob called back without turning around to make eye contact with Allison.

Bella jumped in the cab and started the engine. Jacob was standing outside her passenger window. She rolled her eyes and rolled down the window. "I'll be okay. You, you should go." Bella stuttered.

Jacob didn't respond.

"I'm fine!" Bella shrieked at him.

Jacob just stared back.

Bella cut the engine and her façade broke. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I'm a bad person, I'm sorry I messed everything up and I'm sorry I moved back! There! Is that what you want?" Bella's little heart started fluttering and her breath became shallow.

Jacob's eyebrows scrunched together. "No!" He started pulling at his hair, "Bella, no! I just don't…don't go." He looked as if he were in pain.

Bella took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Jake, I'm tired and slightly embarrassed by this whole evening. I want to go."

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about." Jacob's voice softened.

"I almost ate red velvet blood cake in there! I have tons of reasons to be flushed and bothered about." Bella started the truck again and shifted into drive. She turned to Jacob again. "I'm sorry we had to see each other tonight. Maybe…I don't know." Bella's hands gripped the wheel. She spun out of the driveway ignoring Jacob's protest.

"I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry." She gritted through clenched teeth all the way home. As soon as she made it to her driveway she clambered up her porch and sunk to the bottom step and let out a heart wrenching sob.

She sat on the step for a minute sobbing until she heard an ear shattering howl that sounded like it came from the driveway.

Jacob followed her home.

She pushed herself to her feet, growled at the darkness and locked herself inside her home.

Bella showered, took her medicine, and curled up in her bed ready for her dreams to take her away. But before she closed her eyes she took out her favorite letter from Jacob from the bedside drawer, dated April, 3rd 2008, and read it five times before she fell asleep with it in her hand.


	4. Chapter 3

Bella was sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal, her hair a mess and her pajamas still on. She was confused when her father walked in. "Shouldn't you be at work? It's like 9:30." Bella glanced at the clock for reassurance.

"For the past month I swore we were having a coon problem in the back yard, thanks to your great idea of a compost pile, but earlier I watched a fox run from the garden into the tree line. I went out there with the gun," Bella dropped her spoon and stared at her dad in horror, "I found three baby foxes…err fox chomping on my beans! Sue planted those for me! I got out my gun and was thinking about getting the job done right then," Bella covered her ears with her hands, "BUT," Charlie used much emphasis, "I went to the store and bought some twine and wire to construct a make-shift fence for the time being. I figured that wouldn't upset you as much."

Bella took a big gulp of cereal and with wide eyes declared, "You don't have to worry dad I'll make the best damn bean fence in the county!" Bella slammed her fist down on the table and saluted her dad.

He laughed and started for the door, "Thanks and don't say damn around me. I don't like it."

"K, sorry." Bella mumbled, staring down at her bowl and spoon.

Charlie was reaching the front door, when he took a deep breath, embracing the argument they were about to have. "Bella, I called the clinic today…"

"What? Why?" Bella turned in her chair, fearing what her father was going to say next.

"I made you an appointment for this afternoon at 3:15 p.m. with doctor Gernandy. I want to make sure your nosebleed last night at Sue's wasn't anything, you know a warning sign or a trigger."

"But dad we stayed up looking at web pages last night that confirms it doesn't have anything to do with…my condition."

"Honey, I still lost sleep last night wondering if it was! It's just a check up. Please go. I'll feel better if I know you are one hundred percent in the clear." Charlie slid his belt on and adjusted it just right.

Bella's shoulders slumped, "Sure, sure I'll go."

"Thank you. Call me after your appointment okay? It's at 3:15 at the clinic." Her father reiterated.

"K' I will, but it's going to be nothing and you're not going to be happy when you get that bill afterwards." Bella pointed her spoon at him..

Charlie laughed and twisted the door knob, "I think I'll survive a medical bill."

Bella clambered up the stairs to start getting ready for the day. After the news of her doctor's visit she had no interest in building any fence for any baby animal. She hated seeing the doctor, which was unfortunate since she's been in and out of a clinic for over a year.

3:15 came sooner than Bella wanted. She sat in the clinic's waiting room and 3:15 soon became 3:20, then 3:30. No one was in the waiting room after 3:30. She sat there with her arms wrapped around herself, not wanting to pick up any germs that lingered on the furniture or magazines. At 3:40, with the waiting room still empty, Bella thought to herself _'Waiting room, maybe I'm doing this wrong.'_

3:45 she heard a door open and shut behind her. '_Ahh, I'm not doing this wrong_.' She turned around and was ready to give Dr. Gernandy a smile. But it wasn't a doctor at all. Jacob Black, walked towards her with purpose, '_Oh no no no no no! Not now! He found out_!' Bella thought as Jacob walked up to her.

"What, why are you here?" Bella squeaked as she rung her hands together. Jacob towered over her as she sat like a timid little mouse in the chair.

"I'm here to pick up Allison, she's an intern back in the records office. I noticed your truck was sitting alone in the parking lot. Are you okay?" Jacob's eyebrows scrunched together. He wore a look of concern.

"Oh. She does? That's nice. Is she going to be a nurse after school?" Bella didn't want to hear about Jacob's girlfriend but thought she could distract him.

But, her interest in his girlfriend didn't distract him one bit, "Yeah I guess, I don't know. Why are you here?" He prompted.

"Just a check up. Charlie was still freaked this morning about my nose bleed last night." Bella shrugged, trying to make it a 'no big deal'. She was still telling the truth. She didn't feel like she was lying to him.

"Did something else happen when you got home?" Jacob asked, worry not leaving his face.

"No, why?" She eyed him curiously.

"I noticed your bedroom lights were on until early morning, Charlie's too. I just didn't…" Jacob looked down at his feet, knowing he just gave too much away.

"What? How? What were you doing outside my…" Bella was too flustered to finish her question but it was clear what she was thinking. She pinched the bridge between her brows and let out a frustrated sound.

"I didn't mean to make you cry last night! I was making sure you were okay. I mean…I'm sorry." Jacob ran a hand through his hair and gulped hard. He felt himself beginning to unravel merely by being around Bella's presence.

"Jake, you don't have to worry about me, or my feelings. You didn't need to follow me home…or linger. I…don't want you…"

Bella never finished her sentence. She was interrupted by a nurse at the door, "Isabella, Dr. Gernandy is almost ready for you. You can come on in." The nurse smiled at Bella and gave Jacob a quizzical look.

Hearing those last words escape from Bella's mouth made Jacob feel like the wind got knocked out of him and a wave came crashing down, suffocating him.

Bella was nervous and jittery, she wasn't ready to take on so much today. Her heart was fluttering, she became flushed.

Jacob looked at the nurse and then down back to her. His eyes were glassy, sparkling almost. Bella had to get out there before she lost it along with Jacob.

"I'm fine, you can go." Bella snapped at Jacob.

He backed away so she could stand up. "Wait, Bella, I'm really sorry." He begged with his eyes for her to respond to him in any way, but hopefully forgiveness.

"Okay." She mumbled, looking down at her feet as she stood.

Bella gave Jacob a quick glance up at his glossy eyes and walked passed him.

Jacob noticed the long sleeved cream colored cotton buttoned top Bella wore, he studied her features from behind. Bella's shirt was bunched up a little above her waist in the left corner of her back. Jacob took in her tiny frame, the way the waist of her jeans fit snug around her jutting hips…and the three indentations that were visible above her jeans…The lines streaked from her side to her back. Jacob Black had never seen those scars before on Bella. He remembered Bella's nearly naked body perfectly. It had been almost two years since he was graced with that presence, but he knew those scars were new. He took two steps towards her, a hand reaching out to cup her side. With Bella's movement the shirt fell and softly covered her exposed area. Jacob stopped himself.

Bella turned her head and looked at him one more time before the door closed behind her. Jacob stood there with his head cocked to one side, a look of utter confusion, staring at the same spot on her back. The door clicked behind Bella and left the lost boy in an empty waiting room, trying to make sense of what was Bella Swan now.

When Bella got home forty five minutes later she called to tell her dad that the nosebleed was just a nosebleed. If they wanted to know extensively about the condition of her kidney they would have to go to the specialist in Seattle her parents lined up for her before she moved back. She wasn't due for a visit until next month.

--

Jacob slumped against the foot of his bed onto his bedroom floor. He had been staring at his closed door for over a half an hour.

He had been doing better before Bella came back into town. Not to say he got over Bella Swan, because he would never be over her. He tried moving on, thinking in the back of his mind the situation was a lost cause. Bella had not written back to him, meaning to him she did not open the letters. If she would have, he believed she would come back to him.

He couldn't sort out his thoughts or feelings. If he had phased he would had support from his fellow pack on how to deal, but he wanted to be left to himself. In the simplest form he knew one thing: Bella's back and she's keeping something from me.

Billy made his kid get out of his bedroom to answer the phone. His girlfriend Allison was on the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi! I knew you weren't busy tonight. I thought maybe you could come over or I could come over there. I'm just getting done with some homework." Allison spoke happily. It was becoming routine for the two to get together on weekday evenings.

"I don't think so."

"Oh, okay. Is something wrong?" Allison sounded panicky.

"No." Jacob said flatly, staring out the window. His thoughts nowhere near where they should have been.

"Did I do something?"

"Umm, no." Jacob hated when she jumped to that conclusion.

"Okay. I didn't know." Allison waited for him to respond with something sweet and nice to say but received silence.

"Well, I gotta go. See you tomorrow." Jacob hung up before she had the chance to answer.

Allison spent the night on the phone with every close girlfriend venting to them about Jacob's behavior.

Jacob didn't say anything to his father the rest of the night. He shut himself in his room with his thoughts.

By midnight he was pacing back and forth the length of his room. Bella didn't want him anywhere near her house. Bella didn't want him. He shuddered at the reoccurring image in his mind of what Bella said to him today.

Her words didn't stop him though. He was out of his house in a flash and phased by the time his paws hit the ground. He rushed through the woods on an all too familiar path to Bella's house.

He was careful where he stepped when he approached. Not wanting to be spotted by Bella. He trotted up to the spot he usually phased before coming inside to see her. This time he didn't phase. He took a few steps toward the tree line and focused his eyes on the only lit part of the house. Her bedroom. She was in clear view for him to see. Bella was sitting in her rocking chair, feet planted on the floor, a computer on her lap and her eyes fixed out the window.

Bella didn't move, not even to glance down at her open computer. Jacob didn't like the way her face looked too pale, a little too tired. Jacob felt she could see him by the way her eyes seemed to be fixed on his but there was no way they could have been. It was too dark to see outside for her. He slumped down to a laying position until Bella shut off the lights for bed.

Jacob made sure he would only do one pass around the house after she was asleep to make sure everything was fine. He lingered at Bella's window. He sniffed the air all around the house and it seemed off. He didn't like the scent in the breeze. It made him worry, but for what? He didn't understand it. Jacob wolf whined and trotted off to the tree line. He knew he couldn't leave Bella. The pull to be around her was too strong for him to want to leave. He stayed there the rest of the night, waking up every few hours to glance up at Bella's window. After making sure she was safe and sound in her bed he would fall back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 4

Bella's mother invested in a laptop for Bella about a year after getting tired of kicking Bella off her and Phil's desktop. Buying a computer for Bella wasn't the best idea for a girl who trips over her own shoes on a daily basis. A year and two broken laptops later Bella has learned to keep a laptop longer than a week. No one knew why she was spending so much time on the computer, some, if they knew, would think she was insane, some may think it's just sad, and the supportive would call it therapy.

To: 

February 17th, 2010

Alice, I ran into Angela today at the diner. She was home from college for her mother's birthday. She stared at me funny for a while, looking like she saw a ghost. It made me question myself, am I really that disgusting looking? Am I really not fooling anyone? I wish I was in college right now. I've been saving some money just in case I'll be better someday soon.

To: 

February 18th, 2010

The sun was out, you would have been camping today. I sat in a lawn chair and watched my fox try to find a way into my fence. I made a turkey sandwich for him and he took everything except the bread.

To: 

February 19th, 2010

Charlie had Jacob come by today to look at my truck. Supposedly, Charlie couldn't tell where my oil leak was coming from. Today was better than Sue's party. Jake and I ate sandwich together, that I made. I think since Charlie was around Jacob kept the conversation light. But, he didn't talk a lot like he used to. I didn't tell him about my fox in case he ever wanted to exact revenge on me and eat it while he was off being a wolf.

To: 

February 20th, 2010

I dreamt of Edward last night. It was the first time in a long time. Nothing profound. I woke up to him in my rocking chair, I woke up for real that time and the chair was empty, of course. Maybe I was reminding myself that Edward is real, that you are real. As the years go by and my memories become weak I feel as if you were a dream. But at the same time I become more and more grateful that you were in my life. Instead of making me sad, I smile when I think about you and him and everyone in your family. I have lived a good life and you are a big part of that. Thank you.

Every time Bella hit the 'Send' button she would automatically receive a 'Return To Sender' notification from emails to . Her inbox was full of them with a few scattered emails from her mother.

For the next week, Jacob's visits to Bella's house became routine. He would get there at night and pace the backyard, keeping guard of his once beloved. The air still seemed off when he approached the lawn, and every night he would fall asleep anxious and worried but he never understood why he felt the way he did.

At the end of the week on a rare sunny morning in Forks, Sam and Quil interrupted Jacob's watch on the Swan house.

"Jacob, you need to go home." Sam commanded as he and Quil approached him.

"I'm fine, I'll leave in about an hour. Bella's not awake yet." Jacob's eyes were fixated on Bella's bedroom window.

"You are not fine! You've been sneaking off every night to stalk your ex-girlfriend, Jacob! Yes, ex-girlfriend. Do you remember when that happened? Almost two years a go. You have a girlfriend back home you haven't seen in four days who is worried sick about you! Move on Jacob, Bella Swan isn't worth your time anymore." Sam immediately regretted speaking the last few words to Jacob.

A snarl ripped through Jacob and he crouched like he was about to attack his leader. None of the pack has ever tried this on Sam before. Jacob's stance slackened a little after he realized he stepped over the line with his alpha. The three of them stared at each other for a minute before Jacob's thoughts turned to why he was there.

"Something in the air is making me un-easy when I'm here. I get anxious. I've never picked up this scent before. I'm worried. Something inside isn't right but I don't know what it is." Jacob confessed.

Quil sniffed the air. He couldn't sense a difference from where they were at. Sam looked at Jacob like he was crazy but Quil knew the feeling Jacob was having. Quil made his way closer to the house and sniffed the air again. He froze, trying not to produce the thought of what Jacob was sensing.

Quil experienced the same scent almost a year a go around the same time his father passed away. Quil knew there was something wrong with his father before the rest of his family knew he was dying from lung cancer. It was the scent of death and it was lingering at the Swan residence.

Jacob heard everything that was going on in Quil's head. He snapped his head back to see the two of them staring at him to continue. Jacob trotted over to him asking for more information. Quil wouldn't give any.

Jacob whined again and ran off into the woods coming back moments later in human form. The other two phased and went into the woods to talk.

"So Charlie might have cancer?" Jacob's eyes were wide and panicky.

"Dude, I don't know! I just know it is the same scent that came from my dad right before he was diagnosed with cancer. I don't know how this stuff works." Quil wished a thousand times that he didn't know the smell. He knew how Jacob would react.

"Animals can sense when something is wrong, and we've all seen it many times that dogs can sense illnesses. Why wouldn't we be able to do the same?" Sam asked rhetorically.

"Then I need to tell Bella that something is wrong with her dad before something happens to him." Jacob pulled up his shorts and was about to head for Bella's house.

Sam stopped him, "Jake, we don't know for sure what's going on. And I don't think Bella would appreciate it if you came over at 8 in the morning to tell her, her dad is dying. Think about it. It's not really our place to get involved." Jacob obeyed his alpha's orders and retreated back to La Push before Bella woke up.

Bella was picking up a prescription from the drugstore when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Emily wore a big smile and didn't hesitate to wrap Bella in a warm embrace.

"When is the wedding?" Bella asked immediately when they let go of each other.

"February 28th. Your dad should have the invitation. What are you up to?" Emily smiled.

"Not a lot, just getting back into the swing of things in Forks…So nothing basically." Bella shrugged and crunched the prescription bag in her hand, trying to make it as small as possible.

Emily glanced down at the bag when she heard it crumble up. "Come over for dinner tomorrow. We can catch up a little." Her eyes lit up.

"I would like that, yes, sure I'll come over." They agreed on a time and went their separate ways soon after.

Emily could tell there was something bothering her fiancé when they went to bed together that night. She nudged him to talk to her.

"I'm losing my control over Jacob. I have a feeling he's going to undermine me soon." Sam sighed and shifted in bed to look at Emily.

"What did he do?" Emily questioned.

"He's been staying the night outside of the Swan's house. Just as we thought he was getting better and over her…" Sam trailed off.

"Do you think he actually imprinted on her?" Emily snuggled up to Sam.

"No, we would have been able to see it right away if he did. It's a strange pull to her. I don't get it and he just goes along with it. He thinks that Bella's dad is dying now too." Sam rolled his eyes.

"What?" Emily became intrigued.

"Remember when Quil sniffed out his dad's cancer before he was diagnosed? Jacob is sensing the same thing from Bella's house. Quil confirmed it this morning. Now the kid's a mess over something that does not concern him."

Emily sat up and put a hand over her heart. She was lost in thought. Sam sat up with her, soothing her shoulders asking her over and over what was wrong.

Emily was putting things together in her head, it was the missing puzzle piece she needed. She knew something was wrong with Bella from the moment she first saw her at Sue Clearwater's house, this just confirmed it.

She covered her face with her hands and mumbled out, "Sam, it isn't Charlie who's sick. It's Bella."

"How do you know?" Sam stilled beside her.

"Haven't you looked at her? Like, really looked at her? She's not well Sam. You'll see for yourself tomorrow when she comes over for dinner."

"Dinner? Here?" Sam asked.


	6. Chapter 5

_Hands ran the length of Bella's back, a familiar face was snuggling against the crook of her neck, kissing and nipping at her. She buried her nose into his shoulder and breathed in his sweet scent. "I love you so much." Jacob whispered against her ear before kissing her lobe. "Jacob I love you." Bella called out in her sleep._

She woke soon after, reaching out at an empty spot on her bed. The spot was cold, lacking the body, the smell, and the heat from her dream. She opened her eyes and realized she was dreaming. She snuggled deep into her comforter, clenching the sheets, wishing the dream was true. Sighing, she got out of bed and willed herself to get ready for the day.

After much convincing the night before, her father agreed to Bella's request to find part time work. Bella decided early on she was not going to ask for her old job back at the Newton's store. She was ready for something different. While living with her mother Bella wasn't able to work because of the moving they did every few months and being in and out of the hospital.

Bella applied for three jobs that afternoon: the town's library, a bank, and an insurance place as a receptionist. The only promising business was the bank, which scheduled an interview with her the following Monday.

After telling her father the good news about the bank he wished her the best and relayed a message from Emily to her. Bella should come over at 7 and it would 'most likely' be just the two of them. Charlie also left note that Jeremy, Bella's friend from Florida, called and wanted her to call her back that night.

Bella met Jeremy Villanova in a hospital waiting room a year a go. He was drawn to Bella and started up a conversation with her right away. Jeremy has Crohn's disease; Bella didn't hold anything back when telling him what was wrong with her, being grateful that she found someone who was dealing with an illness too. Jeremy was the first close friend Bella made since the Cullen's and the wolf pack. There was no physical attraction between Bella and Jeremy. Bella believed she knew better than Jeremy that he was in fact gay, but Jeremy always insisted his love for Bella even though he has never made a move. _"I'm just your muse, Jeremy. You don't really like me, or any girl."_ Bella would tell him with a smirk and an eye roll.

She was too happy to call Jeremy back to see what he wanted. He answered on the first ring. "Bella, my love, I miss you so!" Jeremy sang into the phone.

Bella laughed and they each shared their pleasantries before getting into the heart of what Jeremy wanted. "Can I come visit you next month? Like around the 15th? Please?"

"You really want to come?" Bella didn't believe it.

"Uh, yeah I haven't seen you in forever. Don't you miss me? I miss you!" He whined.

"Of course I miss you! I didn't think you would actually fly out here though." Bella laughed.

"No, I really am. I'm using my mom's frequent flyers. Can I stay for like five days?" Jeremy asked.

"Sure, Charlie won't mind." Bella hoped he wouldn't mind.

"I'll let you know what exact days I'm coming. My phone's dying! Love you!" With that ended the conversation between Bella and Jeremy.

The truck trudged along the highway toward Emily's house in La Push. Bella wasn't sure if she was looking forward to the evening. She was hoping it was going to be her and Emily. Bella feels uncomfortable around Sam, partly because she knows he's Team Jacob on the subject of the break up. If it was just Emily and her, she felt there would be a better chance of enjoying herself.

Emily was finishing the last dish when Bella arrived. "I was going to help you cook! How are you already done?" Bella looked at her with mock annoyance.

"There are always dishes to clean afterwards." Emily smiled as she motioned her to sit down at the table.

"Is it just us?" Bella asked almost immediately.

"Sam might come later but he won't be here for a while. He'll most likely want the leftovers." Emily shrugged and looked around nervously at the dinner table.

They chatted during the feast of portabellas, eggplant, salad, and orange muffins about nothing consequential, but after Emily cleared the table, her tone took a more serious turn.

Emily sat down and twiddled with the salt and pepper shakers before starting, "How have you been dealing with Jacob and Allison?"

It stung Bella's ears to hear those two names together. "What do you mean?" She asked. Bella has only seen Allison once.

"Bella, you haven't seen Jacob with another girl, ever. Aren't you freaking out?" Emily was talking with her hands now.

Bella thought for a moment, was she freaking out? Internally, most definitely, but she wasn't going to show it. She hadn't even dealt with this fact yet. Ever since she found out about Jacob dating, she decided to ignore dealing with it and hoped it would just go away. "No, I'm fine."

Emily stared at her incredulously, "I don't believe you. You can't be that null and void of emotion to have any type of feeling about this. Not even a little bit of regret? Sadness? Jealousy at least?"

Bella stared back, pausing to re-think, "I just don't want to think about it…that's all. I'm afraid it would hurt too much to think about it. I'm trying to deal with a lot right now and adjusting to being back here. Ex-boyfriend drama isn't what I need to focus on, right now or ever." Bella looked down at her plate.

Emily nodded her head, "Do you think you and Jacob will be friends again? Like you were before you started dating?"

"No." Bella answered immediately. She didn't need any connection to Jacob. Lately, she felt like she shouldn't rekindle any relationship with anyone. She had a feeling something was going to take a turn for the worse soon.

Emily was about to ask why but another question popped in her head, "What's been going on? Is everything okay with your parents?"

"Yeah, everything is fine with them."

"You said you were dealing with a lot." Emily felt like she was really prying to get information out of Bella and it was making her uncomfortable. She could tell it was making her uncomfortable too.

Bella twirled her fork in her fingers, not meeting Emily directly, "I know. It's…it is what it is and hopefully it turns out…not awful." Bella huffed. She felt like Emily was drilling her.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for asking twenty questions. Bella, if you need someone to talk to you can always come to me. I don't know if I'm the greatest listener, I'm here if you need anything." She reached across the table for her hand, a last effort in trying to get whatever was wrong, out of her. Alas, she was interrupted by footsteps barging up the porch. Her hand retreated as the two men came in the door. Bella's posture straightened, Emily could tell she was now more than uncomfortable.

Sam and Jacob strolled in, fully clothed. Jacob froze when he saw Bella at the tiny table in the dining area.

"Hey! I didn't fix enough food for four people! I wasn't planning on having a dinner party!" Emily stood up and threw her dinner napkin on her chair.

"I didn't know you were having a dinner party either! I'm just here for desert!" Jacob smirked at Emily and walked passed her to the kitchen sink.

Emily sat back down, eyeing Sam like she was going to kill him. "We're just going to be out…"

"Let's start _Iron Man_, haven't watched it yet." Jacob told Sam as he was washing off his dirty hands.

Emily rolled her eyes at her fiancé. Sam looked between the two girls and smiled, "Sure."

The two boys retreated to the living room, Bella and Emily ate in almost complete silence. Bella lost her appetite when Jacob came in. Her stomach began to feel ill; she could feel the blush rise to her cheeks.

"Sorry about that. This wasn't some kind of plan I had or anything. I wasn't expecting him." Emily confessed. She knew that her chance to get anything out of Bella was officially over.

Bella only said two words, "its okay."

"The wedding's the 16th. Are you and your dad coming?" Emily changed conversation.

Bella was about to say yes when she realized the 16th was the day after Jeremy's arrival. "Actually, I may have a date." Bella smiled when she thought of Jeremy dressed up as her wedding date, "My friend, Jeremy, is coming in from Florida. Is it okay if he came? It's completely fine if it's too late…"

Emily interrupted her, leaning over the table whispering, "No, that's great! I didn't even think to ask! Bella, did you meet someone in Florida?" Emily smiled, forgetting she was supposed to find out what was wrong with Bella.

Bella shook her head, "Jeremy is just a friend. He's the only friend I made while staying with my mom. I'm excited to see him."

Jacob was walking into the dining room until he heard Bella's last sentence, he paused in the doorway. Emily looked up at him and glared.

"He's a lot of fun. I can't wait to see him. He's the exact opposite of me." Bella giggled, not realizing Jacob was behind her.

"How long is he staying?" Emily's eyes shifted between Jacob and Bella.

"Five days. That reminds me I need to remember to tell Charlie he's coming. I don't know how he will feel about a boy staying for that long." Bella imagined Charlie interacting with an obviously gay Jeremy, she smiled to herself, "Ah, it will be fine."

Jacob's ears got red, he was seeing red and his body tensed, '_She has a boyfriend' _he thought. He turned around and marched back to the living room and plopped down on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"Bella has a boyfriend." Jacob clenched a pillow and threw it on the ground. _'That's why she's up late on her laptop all the time, probably talking online to him!' _he squeezed another pillow.

After Bella and Emily were done, Emily cleared the plates and announced to the boys they could have the leftovers if they wanted. Of course, they didn't refuse. Jacob stole glance after glance at Bella while he cleaned his plate, a million thoughts going through his head.

"Bella, you should stay and watch the rest of the movie with us." Sam said in between bites.

"You should." Emily agreed.

"I don't know…" Bella began to make up an excuse.

"What else do you have to do? And don't say you don't like comic book movies, I know how much you and Jacob liked _Spiderman_."

The room got quiet and Sam put a mouthful of food in. A definite 'Insert foot in mouth' moment.

"'k I'll stay." Bella said quietly looking at no one unparticular. She didn't want to re-hash any memories of her and Jacob, but they started pouring into her mind.

Emily and Sam sat on the loveseat while Jacob sat on one end of the couch and Bella on the other. Neither of them could concentrate on the movie.

Jacob's mind was filled with thoughts of wondering who Bella's boyfriend was, how long have they been together? Why he didn't know she had a boyfriend? Did Charlie know? Does she know Charlie's sick, yet? Is the boyfriend another bloodsucker? He kept a pillow in his hand to clench at.

Bella's thoughts were not filled with anger or jealousy; she was recalling her dream from the night before and blushed at the thought of it. She wondered why Jacob came in even though he had to have seen her truck out back. Was Sam trying to set something up between them? Was he trying to get the two to talk?

Bella had been oblivious to Jacob's glances until near the end of the movie when she took a chance and stole a glance at Jacob. She found him glancing at her at the same time. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds before Bella turned back to the television screen.

After the movie was over, Bella got up to leave. Jacob stood up with her. "Thanks Emily for having me over."

"We should do it again soon, after the wedding."

"Sure, I guess the next time I'll see you is at the wedding!" Bella smiled and started to walk towards the door.

"I'm going to go too, bye." He said hastily and followed Bella out the door. The two stopped on the porch, it was pouring.

Jacob looked down at Bella while she put up her hood on her jacket. "I'll get your truck." Jacob said like he knew she was going to ask him.

But she wasn't. Before she could protest he was running out into the down pour around the house. She waited there, not knowing what to do next.

Jacob came around the corner drive in her truck. He pulled up to the porch, opened the door, and slid to the passenger seat. She cocked her head at him but got in anyway.

His back was resting against the passenger side door, staring at her. "I didn't drive here. Could you take me home?" Jacob asked.

She looked at him for a moment before putting the gear into drive, "Sure." she drew out.

The drive was almost completely silent, until Bella asked about the wedding, "Are you excited about being the best man at the wedding?" She asked softly.

"Yeah, I guess. I still have to write my speech. I've been working on it but it's hard to keep it appropriate. And since it's not just the tribe, I can't mention anything…well I guess I could talk in code that would be kind of funny. Heh, maybe I'll do that." Jacob mused over the thought, until he remembered what he was going to ask Bella.

"So, you have a date to the wedding?" Jacob knew he was about to tread on unwelcome territory.

"My friend Jeremy from Florida. He's visiting that week. My dad is going with Sue. I'm glad Jeremy decided to come that week, so I wouldn't have to find someone." Bella rambled, feeling nervous talking to Jacob about dates.

Jacob didn't say anything. He just stared at Bella, who concentrated on the road in front of her.

She pulled up to his house and Jacob stalled for a moment, with his hand on thee door handle. He was contemplating what he should say. He was surprised to know Bella had her _friend _coming to the wedding and sad and angry that Bella was so open to talking about him. He didn't know what to say about it. Was she really _that_ over him? Was she hiding the truth from him about who her_ friend_ really was?

His hand left the handle and he scooted over right next to Bella, "Hey, thanks." He said softly and reached out his arms, trying to hug her. It took Bella a moment to realize what was going on. She wasn't expecting or actually desiring a hug from Jacob… that was until she was enveloped by him. His arms snaked around her waist, scooting her to him. She breathed in against Jacob's shirt and she smelled it. The mix of woods, rain, and Jacob. She didn't realize she missed that scent until now. She flung her arms around Jacob's neck and pressed her nose softly against his chest. When she inhaled again, her grip on him tightened. Jacob was surprised by the reaction but welcomed it. He rubbed her back and buried his face into the crook of her neck. They stayed like that for a few moments before Bella dropped her arms. Jacob hung on for a moment longer before letting go.

Bella was mentally cursing herself for her behavior. What took over her? She shook her head and cleared her throat, this was unacceptable. "I'll see you…later." Bella twirled a piece of her hair.

Jacob didn't make a move to leave, "Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, see you."

Jacob decided then he had to tell Bella about her dad. "Before I go…Has Charlie been okay recently?"

Bella furrowed a brow, "He's fine, why?"

Jacob ran a hand through his hair and looked out the window, "Don't get mad, 'k?"

Bella sighed; she thought she knew where this was going to go. "I'll try."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, "I think your dad's sick. I just happened to run past your house…Okay I stopped by…one night and…well see wolves can pick up scents that humans can't. Last year, Quil picked up a different scent from his dad and then he was diagnosed with cancer…" Bella's eyes widened, "I'm not saying Charlie has cancer or anything. But, what I picked up was similar to what Quil picked up."

Bella was speechless. She knew exactly what Jacob picked up and it didn't have anything to do with Charlie. She reached out a shaky hand to Jacob and placed it on his shoulder, "I think you should go, Jake." She whispered down at the floor board.

Jacob took Bella's hand in his and stroked it soothingly. "I'm sorry, Bella."

Bella let him. She didn't know how to tell him. She wasn't ready. "Thanks Jake." She tried to take back her hand but he wouldn't let go. Jacob took her other hand in his.

"Hey, don't freak out. I don't know what it is. Maybe it isn't serious. C'mere, look at me." Jacob stretched out his hand to cup her cheek.

Bella slid her hand away from his, "its fine. I'm fine. I just…a lot to take in. I need to get home." She put the truck into drive.

"Don't go. Shit! I didn't mean to do this right now!" Jacob huffed.

"Jake, I can drive. I'm not freaking out. I'm good." She put her hands on the steering wheel, waiting for him to get out.

"Alright. Call me if you need anything. You probably won't but the offer is still there." Jacob opened the door.

"Or, I can just open my window and call your name, because you'll probably be running around my house tonight won't you?" A flash of anger coursed through her.

Jacob got out of the car, "Most likely, no." He shut the door and took his time walking in his house, cursing himself for the awful timing on his part.

Bella got back on the main road and tried to take a few deep breaths before the inner freak out started.

How long will she be able to hold this secret in?


	7. Chapter 6

Bella and Jeremy were sitting cross legged on her bedroom floor. Jeremy had a curling iron and sat behind Bella, curling pieces of her hair. When Charlie would walk by instead of thinking, the two as having any sort of love interest in one another he thought, two little kids playing hair and makeup. Charlie knew right away Bella's friend Jeremy was on the other side of the fence. There was a bit of disappointment though, hoping his daughter found a boy to share time and her…short life with.

"You're making me look ridiculous, I just know it." Bella huffed. No one had taken this long on her hair ever since Alice Cullen made her up for her school's prom. She shivered at the thought.

"You're going to be the hottest bitch at the wedding, bitch." Jeremy sassed back.

Bella wasn't excited about Sam and Emily's wedding, she was actually not looking forward to it at all. The last big get together she was involved in ended up in disaster. She couldn't imagine what could happen to her tonight.

"I don't want to stay for the reception." Bella announced to her father when he walked by again.

"You're staying, get over it." Charlie pointed a finger at her as he adjusted his tie with the other.

"Don't be a bad friend Bella. If you do, you're not going to have any friends." Jeremy pulled her hair.

"Oww! Why are you two being so mean to me!"

"Because you're being stubborn!" Charlie and Jeremy said at the same time.

Bella looked from her father to the mirror at Jeremy, "Woah, that was weird."

The groomsmen and the bridesmaids were lingering in the hall outside of where the ceremony was to begin, soon.

Jacob was dressed in a standard suit and tie, glaring straight at Bella's boyfriend as the two entered. As Bella said her hellos and introductions, Jacob kept his eyes on them. He was left stunned at how beautiful Bella looked. Her hair was curled and loosely pinned in back. Her dress was blue, her favorite color, Jacob noted.

Jacob couldn't take it anymore; he made a bee line right to Bella. "Hi, I'm Jacob Black. You are Jeremy?" Jacob stuck a shaking hand out to the man he automatically despised.

Jeremy gaped at Jacob for a moment then shook his hand. Jacob's grip was rough. "Hi, nice to finally meet you." Jeremy choked. The expression Jacob wore was making him nervous.

"You know who I am?" Jacob glared.

"Yes, from Bella." Jeremy nudged her a few times, hoping she would speak up in the awkward situation.

Bella chimed in without any enthusiasm in her tone, "Did you get your speech done?" She asked trying to push Jeremy a few feet away from Jacob. She could tell Jacob was clearly on edge.

Jacob stepped closer to Bella, wanting to take her in closely, "Yeah it's done."

"Can't wait to hear it." Bella walked away then with Jeremy following her. Jeremy looked back a few times at Jacob, trying to wrap his head around Jacob's size.

Jacob was left standing staring after Bella and, to him, her new boyfriend. Before composing himself, he stormed off and found his girlfriend, Allison before the ceremony. A few minutes before the start, he promised her they would do something after the reception. Allison was thrilled about the promise since she had worried the past two weeks that Jacob was going to break up with her, for a reason she was unsure of.

During the wedding, Jacob stole looks at Bella, who was seated in the fifth row on Emily's side and Allison who was in the third row of Sam's side with the other wolf pack girlfriends.

Bella was not exactly enjoying the ceremony, but taking it in none-the-less. Bella stole looks over at the third row of Sam's side and silently wished that she was a part of that crowd again. _I belong there_, Bella thought.

Jeremy leaned into Bella asking, "Why are all of the guys up there so big? Are they on an Indian football team?"

She swatted at his shoulder and giggled, "No they're all in the same line of ancestors, or something. They live on a small reservation, they kind of all look a like in a way I guess." Bella shrugged.

Jacob cringed when he noticed Bella playfully hitting Jeremy on the shoulder and giggling with him in the pew. He never hated so much other than Cullen, as he did now with Jeremy.

The wedding was over in no time and the guests filed their way into the reception area soon after. Bella and Jeremy were the only ones not dancing. Jeremy was standing in front of her holding her hands trying to get her to dance with him.

"No! I'll fall!" Bella protested.

"We're the only ones not dancing! We look ridiculous, Bella! And, I want to make your boyfriend jealous." Jeremy winked at her.

"He's not my boyfriend. If you didn't notice he's over there with his hands all over that girl!" Bella glared in Jacob's direction. Jacob caught her look and was thinking his mission of making her jealous was working. He leaned down and kissed Allison and went back to swaying to the music with her.

"You are blind, Bella Swan! That kid is trying to make you jealous right now. He was staring at you through his whole best man speech. Didn't you pick up that the 'I love you', 'You two belong together' and, 'from the moment you two met', were _all _really about you?"

Bella thought about this for a moment, and she decided to lie, "No, I don't know what you are talking about." She crossed her arms.

Charlie Swan came up behind Bella and hissed in her ear, "Act a little happier. Whatever is going on between you and Jacob, deal with it later. And, joining everyone dancing won't hurt you either."

"I'll fall!" Bella reiterated to her father.

"You are wearing flat Mary Jane's! Retard, you're not going to fall!" Jeremy sassed back.

Bella stood up. Her father started to walk away, "Thanks Jeremy. Don't call my daughter a retard again, though."

Jeremy swallowed, "Yes sir, sorry sir."

Bella had a death grip on Jeremy the entire time they danced. But from Jacob's view it looked like the two were enjoying themselves and that observation made Jacob terribly upset and somewhat angry. Should he count Bella as a loss after witnessing that Bella was happy? He didn't want to, he wasn't about to stop loving Bella but he still was a jealous boy. Jealousy and a young adult's hormones didn't mix well together.

As Bella and Jeremy said their goodbyes to Bella's friends and made their way out of the reception, passing by Jacob and Allison with just a wave, Jacob leaned into Allison and whispered, "I think tonight's the night, babe" and went back to dancing.

Allison was beaming now. She knew exactly what Jacob was talking about. Allison was no virgin, you see, and she wanted to finally "seal the deal" with Jacob, who was a virgin. Allison, didn't exactly pressure Jacob into having sex but every time they were about to get too intimate, Jacob would push away and make an excuse as to why he wasn't ready to have sex yet.

Jeremy was taking out the pins in the back of Bella's hair as the two enjoyed a comedy movie in the living room that night. Meanwhile, in a small bedroom in a tiny bed, on the La Push reservation, Jacob Black lost his virginity to a girl he did not love.

_**One Week Later**_.

Bella awoke to the sound of an engine trying to start. She lolled onto her side and snuggled her face into her pillow. For a few moments she laid there with a sleepy smile on her face thinking about what the day would bring. She sat up in bed and her arms flew to her lower back. Her eyes went huge as she tried to make sense of what she was feeling down there. "No!" She mumbled. She threw the covers off and stood up. "Unnggg!" She grasped her back again and winced. The pain was in her spine and lower back, and this time worse. She shuffled to the bathroom and hoped relief would come when she went in the toilet.

It didn't.

Bella screamed out in pain while going to the bathroom. She knew what she was going to find in the bowl when she was done.

Meanwhile, Jacob Black dropped his wrench in Bella's truck when he heard a scream, clearly Bella's, coming from inside.

"What?" Charlie asked wiping off his hands with a dirty towel.

"Did you just hear that?" Jacob asked, his eyes flickering to the house.

"Hear what?" Charlie threw the towel down and stood there with his hands on his hips.

"Nothing." Jacob glanced up at the house again before he started looking for his wrench.

Bella stood next to the toilet with bloody tissue in hand and stared down at the bloody toilet bowl. With a trembling hand, Bella flushed the toilet and in her white nightie made her way down the stairs to get her father. Her heart was fluttering, her face was flushed, and she felt as if she could pass out at any minute.

"Charlie?" She called out in the kitchen. No answer. She went into the living room, "Dad?" She called out again. No answer. She heard more noise coming from outside, she hoped Charlie was the one making the noise and not the neighbors.

She opened up the front door and called out, "Daddy?" and slumped to her bottom against the door.

Charlie froze and dropped what he was doing and slowly turned around. His daughter had never called him "daddy". He knew something was wrong.

Jacob looked up from the hood of the truck and noticed Bella's white nightie she was wearing before realizing something was wrong.

"Bella!" Jacob raced over to her, Charlie right behind him.

"What's wrong honey?" Charlie asked.

"I need to go…It hurts…bad!" Bella winced and held her sides.

"Can you get up?" Charlie asked, frantic.

Bella moaned and tried to stand. Charlie lifted her up and stumbled under her weight.

"Let me help." Jacob begged, confused and scared.

"I got it son. Will you go tell Sue what's going on?" Charlie huffed, making his way to his cruiser.

"What's going on?" Jacob stammered.

"Tell her to meet me at the hospital." Charlie laid Bella down in the backseat of the car and started the engine.

"Bella?" Jacob put his hand on the backseat window. Bella's tears were visible, streaming down her face. She was pulling at the bottom of her nightie, looking at Jacob, cringing. He could make out the words "I'm sorry" coming from her lips. He looked down at her nightie and saw a trickle of blood falling down the inside of her thigh.

Charlie spun out and the lights and whistles of his cruiser started down the street. Jacob was in the woods and in wolf form before Charlie turned down the street.


	8. Chapter 7

Bella woke up in the hospital bed exhausted. Her father was sitting across from her, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and dizzy. I'm sorry." Bella sighed.

"None of that." Charlie got up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He wasn't good at comfort.

"Is it bad?" Bella asked, trying to ready herself as to what she was about to hear.

"It's what we were expecting, the left kidney isn't doing so well. The doctor said it seems like your body is rejecting it. They have you on more immunosuppressives."

Bella's heart sunk, she knew it was a possibility that the donated kidney would reject itself. The doctors had warned her that it could happen. She took her medicine faithfully at the same time every day to avoid this happening. "It will help. Maybe I need a different dosage and this will fix things." Bella tried to assure her father and herself. "When can I leave?" She tried to smile at her dad.

"Tomorrow. They are going to monitor you today." Her dad replied.

"Mom's not coming is she?" Bella knew her mom had the tendency to do something drastic.

"She was going to wait and see how you were doing this evening."

"I'll tell her I'm fine." Bella was getting good at putting on a straight face for her family. She was in pain, yes, she felt exhausted in all sense of the word, physically, mentally and emotionally, but she could keep up the show for everyone around her.

"Is the higher dosage what's making me dizzy?" Bella asked the nurse when she came in.

"Yes, can you handle it?" The nurse said without looking up from her clipboard.

"Yes, it's fine." Bella sighed.

"Would you like some of your flowers be put in your room?" The nurse asked.

"Flowers?" Bella didn't ask for any flowers.

"You're quite popular in this wing young lady. You alone have filled up the visitors section." The nurse looked at Bella and smiled.

Bella groaned and ran a hand through her hair. Charlie huffed, "Yes bring a few flowers in I guess. Bella don't act like that. Your friends and family care about you. You should feel lucky to have people care about you so much."

"I don't feel very lucky right now at all, I feel sick."

"Do you want visitors yet?" The nurse asked.

"No." Bella said flatly.

"Good, I will tell them to leave them with your permission of course. Chief Swan, I had the tall, shirtless, loud boy escorted out earlier." The nurse seemed pleased with herself telling Charlie the information. She waddled out of the room.

"Jacob?" Bella went wide-eyed and flushed.

"Great" Charlie took out his phone and started to dial Billy. "Bella calm down, please." Charlie begged when he noticed her starting to hypervenelate.

Bella groaned again and let her head fall back onto the pillow. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen, she thought. But then again she wasn't sure what was going to happen. She took a little comfort from not knowing what was going to come next.

Bella tossed and turned, slowly waking up from her dream. Visions of herself lying in the hospital bed unable to move suffocated her mind. She woke up to a pounding heart. She rubbed her hand over her chest, an attempt to calm herself down. Her eyes opened to her window, it was just nearing dawn, the last of the stars dimly shining through the black and purple sky.

Bella sat at her window, her hair back in a ponytail; she felt un-clean but was thankful she was wearing her own pajamas instead of a hospital gown. She was worn out, dark circles under her eyes and a heart and mind heavy with uncertainty.

There was a knock at the door; it opened slightly before she could answer it. Bella expected it to be her dead, hearing her walking around her room, but Bella was surprised to see Jacob. She sighed and turned her gaze back out the window, "He must have been watching me from the backyard," She thought to herself. For days she ignored his attempts to talk. Charlie kept mum about Bella, only saying she was still too sick to have visitors now.

Jacob didn't say anything as he took a seat next to her on her windowsill. He sat still, watching Bella watch out the window. His eyes were wet. Bella took a deep breath and turned her face to meet his. The rise and fall of her chest when Bella took her breath deeply saddened Jacob. He could see her bones in her chest more so now when she exhaled, her breath sounded weak, she didn't look like the same Bella. Her skin was too pale and any trace of color was absent from her cheeks and lips.

"What happened?" He whispered.

Bella looked at him for a moment, thinking about the moment right now that her whole quest was about to become undone. She failed. She failed keeping Jacob in the dark, letting him live his life, separating her from him so he could have a better life. All undone.

"Bella, please." Jacob choked out. "No one is saying anything, not Charlie, not even my own dad! I've tried to keep away but I can't anymore. I haven't slept in days. I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't just keep sitting in your backyard making sure you're okay anymore. I need to hear it, I needed to see you."

He was a mess, Bella could clearly see. He was on the verge of tears, on the edge of having a complete come apart. She could order him out of the room and tell him to never come back again or get Charlie to deal with the intruder but she knew she couldn't. Jacob deserved the truth.

"I got sick a few years ago, I had a kidney transplant a while back when I was with my mom, Jacob." She spoke softly, playing with her hands in her lap, keeping eye contact with Jacob.

He swallowed and nodded his head for her to continue. "My mom gave me her kidney because one of mine started to fail. I was really sick for a while when I was living with my mom. "It was a simple answer, the only one she could give.

Jacob looked down for a moment not saying anything. "When?" He whispered.

"When what?" Bella asked.

"When did this happen? When did you find out? Why didn't I know any of this?" Jacob shook his head.

Bella swallowed, "When I moved in with my mom."

"When you first moved in with your mom?" Jacob scrunched his face in confusion.

"Yes. I didn't want anyone to know. I was sick; I didn't think I was going to make it. It was bad Jake, I wanted to be alone, and I didn't want the sympathy from family, friends or strangers. This was something I wanted to do alone; suffering in silence was the only option for me."

Jacob stood up and started pacing, visibly shaking. "You're insane. You're completely out of your mind!" He stopped and stared into Bella's eyes, "I would have been there every step of the way. I wouldn't have let you do this to yourself, to let you suffer alone. I would have been by your side every minute, every second. How could you be, how could you be so…" Jacob pulled at his hair and clenched his teeth, "so…so fucking selfish?"

Bella cringed at his harsh words; she was silent and looked down at her hands. "That wasn't what I was trying to do Jake. I wasn't being selfish."

Jacob shook his head, "You knew when I came to visit in Florida? You kept all of this from me, I knew it. You lied to me!" Jacob was breathing heavy, his shoulders shook violently.

"I wasn't going to let you suffer with me. I was depressed, I wanted to be alone. I wasn't going to let you see me like that. I wasn't me anymore Jake."

Jacob laughed coldly, "Everything you are saying is completely unbelievable. You make no sense Bella. I can't believe you. How could you keep this from me? How could you lie to me? For years! This is complete bull shit, Bella." Jacob headed for the door.

Bella flinched, "I knew what I was doing. I knew the consequences of all my actions. I'm sorry won't ever be enough, I know. Jake, it killed me to lie to you! I hated myself for keeping this from you." Bella tried to explain the best she could, knowing it might not get through to him.

"I don't want to hear anymore." Jacob opened the door. Bella slowly stood up, revealing the tubes from the dialysis machine attached to her. "What the fuck?" Jacob's eyes started to water. He wiped them, "I can't be here." Bella looked to thin, to white…too sick.

Bella looked down at the machine she was tied to and back up at Jacob, "I understand." She whispered and took a deep breath before she sat down.

Jacob bolted out of the Swan house and disappeared for days. Bella was aware of his absence because Billy, Sam and Allison contacted her in the past few days wondering if she had a clue where he was. She was now sick with worry about Jacob's disappearance, and of course, she blamed herself. She said a prayer every night for him to come home, to be okay. She sat and stared out her window every night, wiping a tear or two from her cheeks, hoping she would spot the broken hearted boy.


End file.
